It really does make one realize that old saying, Opposites attract. Thanks for going into the nuances of it, and how your relationship works. Always interesting food for thought!
I don't think we are opposites, although that may be truth in general for people. We are just each unique and therefore by definition different. Nevertheless, these differences are points of enrichment not points of disagreement. Thank you for your comment. It is most gratifying to hear that our writings produce "food for thought!"
I love that you mention “being present” as a way to recognize and honor the differences between two people in relationships. We cannot underestimate the power of presence (can you tell I’m rereading The Power of Now?). Being present has proven to be beneficial in my own 50+ year relationship w/Joel when I’m able. I’ve become aware that my distress or conflictual behavior is based on conditioned responses used repeatedly, not the reality of a peaceful now. In other wards, what happened in the past determines my response in the present. This is NOT helpful in nurturing the curious uniqueness of our partners. Deep breathing and pausing are two methods I use to focus on the present instead of giving in to the pull of conditioned behavior. For me that pull is incredibly strong and my work is to be gentle with myself and Joel as I focus on being present.
Yes, I find that trying to be just a little more present is both a challenge and a benefit. We (or most of us) have permanent conversations going on in our heads that distract from what is happening. Thanks for telling us about what you are doing. Phil
I really am grateful for reading this valuable post this morning. I'm aware how focusing on my partner's differences is so very, very limiting. Many thanks for this inspiring post.
Thank you, Phil and Maude. I loved this reminder. Every person’s uniqueness is a gift to be honored. Your reflections bring me back to what matters most.
Loved this. My elderly relative can drive me nuts sometimes - but other times I’m genuinely in awe. I recently decided to dig into her “quirks,” and what I found made me forget to roll my eyes. Curiosity really is a magic switch. Thank you for this reminder.
Drop by anytime for tea and a little more reflection here: Retired, Roaming and Rooted
Glad you liked it. We're enjoying exploring the nature of our relationship and trying to describe aspects that other people might not have noticed. Phil
GREAT ARTICLE & WORDS of WISDOM!🩷 As I've always worked at home & my husband recently retired, we are having to REWIRE our homey❤️luv together--I totally didn't realize my territorial fixed state NOW embodied with a 7-alarm FIREMAN!🙃 THANK YOU y 💜NAMASTE🙏 and I so look forward to your SEE!👁
Hi Mindy, So happy to get your comment and to hear that our article is of use to you, and that you can relate to it in your situation! We write for those kind of responses :-) Best thoughts for your new situation - sounds like a great adventure.
Thank you for the restack. It is really appreciated!
This is beautifully written.
Be curious and fascinated with one another and appreciate who the other person truly is.
Thanks for the compliment, Erica. It's always great to hear our writing is appreciated. Phil
Thank you so much.
It really does make one realize that old saying, Opposites attract. Thanks for going into the nuances of it, and how your relationship works. Always interesting food for thought!
I don't think we are opposites, although that may be truth in general for people. We are just each unique and therefore by definition different. Nevertheless, these differences are points of enrichment not points of disagreement. Thank you for your comment. It is most gratifying to hear that our writings produce "food for thought!"
Maude
I love that you mention “being present” as a way to recognize and honor the differences between two people in relationships. We cannot underestimate the power of presence (can you tell I’m rereading The Power of Now?). Being present has proven to be beneficial in my own 50+ year relationship w/Joel when I’m able. I’ve become aware that my distress or conflictual behavior is based on conditioned responses used repeatedly, not the reality of a peaceful now. In other wards, what happened in the past determines my response in the present. This is NOT helpful in nurturing the curious uniqueness of our partners. Deep breathing and pausing are two methods I use to focus on the present instead of giving in to the pull of conditioned behavior. For me that pull is incredibly strong and my work is to be gentle with myself and Joel as I focus on being present.
Yes, I find that trying to be just a little more present is both a challenge and a benefit. We (or most of us) have permanent conversations going on in our heads that distract from what is happening. Thanks for telling us about what you are doing. Phil
I really am grateful for reading this valuable post this morning. I'm aware how focusing on my partner's differences is so very, very limiting. Many thanks for this inspiring post.
Thank you, Susan. It's so encouraging to hear that what we write is helpful for you. Phil
Thank you, Phil and Maude. I loved this reminder. Every person’s uniqueness is a gift to be honored. Your reflections bring me back to what matters most.
Thank you, Shartaya, for seeing this. Differences need to be seen as a source of wonder, not fear. Phil
Absolutely, Phil. There’s so much beauty in our differences when we choose wonder over fear.
Loved this. My elderly relative can drive me nuts sometimes - but other times I’m genuinely in awe. I recently decided to dig into her “quirks,” and what I found made me forget to roll my eyes. Curiosity really is a magic switch. Thank you for this reminder.
Drop by anytime for tea and a little more reflection here: Retired, Roaming and Rooted
Glad you liked it. We're enjoying exploring the nature of our relationship and trying to describe aspects that other people might not have noticed. Phil
Keep it coming!
GREAT ARTICLE & WORDS of WISDOM!🩷 As I've always worked at home & my husband recently retired, we are having to REWIRE our homey❤️luv together--I totally didn't realize my territorial fixed state NOW embodied with a 7-alarm FIREMAN!🙃 THANK YOU y 💜NAMASTE🙏 and I so look forward to your SEE!👁
Hi Mindy, So happy to get your comment and to hear that our article is of use to you, and that you can relate to it in your situation! We write for those kind of responses :-) Best thoughts for your new situation - sounds like a great adventure.
Maude