How Your Peaceful Relationships Are a Shelter From the Storm

In these tumultuous times, your relationships can be a source of peace

Dark Park, Larkspur, CA. Photo credit: Phil Mayes

Hi, Phil and Maude here. It’s a crazy time, so we want to describe how we are handling it. Let us know what you are doing.

MAUDE: These are tumultuous times. I’ve been feeling tension battering at my outer self. I am what some may call an optimist. But the vision I have of how we will evolve and come together is a long road away still. Right now, I feel battered by the imminent election in the US and all the division and disinformation; by climate change and its devastating effects, and the wars still raging on. I think I am troubled most of all by the willingness of so many to believe the worst of each other.

I won’t pretend that this does not bring me to tears sometimes, but I do want to stress that as troubled by all this as I am, this is not my inner reality. I am quietly, calmly peaceful inside. I have joy in my heart and gratefulness for every moment and every connection with others. I am buoyed up by those people who are willing to live in peace and love while standing firm in this world and doing whatever they can to make things better.

Phil and I share an inner peacefulness that is beyond any of the effects of the changing world we live in. Through the practices we share with you every week, we experience a path of peace that never wavers and serves to strengthen our individual struggles. This is true of a number of my deep relationships where this peace we speak of is a living quality. I can turn to those in moments of distress to help me and strengthen me. These peaceful relationships provide the shelter from the storm that all of us need sometimes, while we renew and refresh ourselves.

Sacred Space is a term Phil and I use to describe our evenings together. I’m not sure how early in our relationship this ritual began, but it is something we have been doing, without effort I might add, for a long time. We retire together at a certain time every evening, and yes, I do mean every evening barring a very few exceptions for events, shutting down all outside communications and just being with each other in the peaceful energy field we generate together. We share laughing, playing games, watching shows, doing crosswords, being sexual, talking, getting the ideas for our blogs, to name a few. We eliminate all other influences except this place of peace that we dive into with our whole selves, with no distractions.

Find your relationships of peace and develop them, strengthen them, learn from them. We all need this to stay the course and breathe through all we are confronted with. Find and create your sacred spaces, both between you and another, and within yourself.

PHIL: I don’t remember how or when it started, but from early days, we have set aside the end of the evening to be with each other. It may involve word games, Netflix, this blog or sex. Not all at once, of course. It’s a ritual we call our Sacred Space. We shut the door on the outside world and are present with each other. Even Netflix counts as us both having the same experience.

It has become a source of great strength. The echo and the promise of our connection sustain me throughout the day. It works for me because I have come to see that our relationship is a sense, an experience. The agreements, vows and day-to-day interactions are the words with which we communicate, but it is the experience of our peaceful connection that seeps into my body beneath the level of language.

There are so many worrisome events happening, from wars to hurricanes to elections, that I feel an undercurrent of anxiety running through my days, but I recognized recently that in our Sacred Space, I close the door on that and let it go. I think this nightly cleansing is so good for our health. Maude described it well the other night as our shelter from the storm.

You, too, can draw strength from your relationships. Find someone else who is able to be present, and be present with them. The world will take care of itself overnight.

Reading Corner

These authors offer suggestions for how to maintain your internal equilibrium during tumultuous times.

Surviving Tough Times by Building Resilience “Lately, the world seems to be lurching from one crisis to another. We’ve experienced a global pandemic, dramatic changes to how we conduct our daily lives, economic uncertainty, and political and social turmoil, as well as an array of natural disasters. Then there are personal traumas that people are also dealing with, such as the loss of a loved one, declining health, unemployment, divorce, violent crime, or tragic accidents. For many us, this is a time of unprecedented struggle and upheaval. Whether the source of disruption in your life is a global emergency or a personal tragedy—or both—living through difficult times can take a heavy toll on your mood, health, and outlook. It can leave you feeling helpless and overwhelmed by stress and anxiety.”

Tumultuous Times: 5 Strategies for Kindness Toward Others and Ourselves “During these tumultuous times, many of us recognize the need to be kind to ourselves and others. Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, MD, is credited with inviting us to consider that in any situation we have the power to choose our response no matter how difficult the circumstance. The response we choose contributes to our potential for learning, growth, happiness, and making a positive difference in the world. What choices are you making to support yourself and others during these tumultuous times? Here are a few options to consider as you navigate your inner “politics” of self-care, kindness, and choices.”

Tumultuous Times, Compassion, and Self-Care “During these tumultuous times in the US and around the world, many of us feel personally assaulted and distressed by news events. Each day, media of all kinds demand our attention, shouting news and information to attend to, digest, and distill. How do we navigate our thoughts, choices, and responses? How do we pay attention to the news stories, discerning fact from fiction, steering our reactions, ideas, and opinions — while also maintaining our internal equilibrium? This article is not a commentary about the politics in the news, which comes at us relentlessly. Rather, it’s a blog post about navigating our own internal politics — the inner compass that helps us guide ourselves toward our true north during today’s difficult times and navigate our well-being in the process.”